What am I Doing With My Life?
Just now, before publishing what follows, I gave it a last reread and had a glaring objection, “Aren't my health, the people in my life, my future family, and spiritual pursuits as, if not more, important than what I do for work!?”
My thinking has already evolved but still includes what I’ve written below.
That said, I'd like to nest what you’re about to read in a larger context. In this piece of writing I am only exploring a person's "public mission" which deals with what someone does with their life outside the home, as a member of society. This runs in parallel with a person's "private path" focused on relationships and health and "spiritual path" which includes explorations neither public nor private.
There is lots of talk and different frameworks around setting goals - like SMART goals - but I haven't come across any for answering questions like, "What do you want to do with your life?" "What are you about?" or "What do you want your life to be in service of?"
The big goal.
I've been sitting with these questions because I know that my current job, working in tech, is my second career but not my last one.
And whatever is next I want to move towards more intentionally than I did tech.
I decided to go into software because I heard it was lucrative and remote compatible. I've enjoyed both of these features working in tech for the last 5 years however it's become clear that what it offers me doesn't justify what it costs me. So, it's time for me to consider what's next lest I throw the next 3 decades after this five-year experiment.
The Sunk Cost Fallacy is a fallacy, after all.
Since starting to consider how I want to orient my life recently I've been listening to how other people talk about their big life goals. When I hear people share their mission they seem to include one or more of the following four features.
Who they want to help (what community, population, or demographic) Eg. "I want to help single fathers," "I want to serve the local farming community," or "I want to help med students."
The outcome they want to help others achieve. Eg. "I want people to become financially literate," "I want to help people lose weight," or "I want to help people enjoy their transition into retirement."
What they want to do (verb) or what they want to be (noun). Eg. "I want to teach/be a teacher," "I want to practice medicine/be a doctor," or "I want to write code/be a software engineer."
The outcome they want to achieve for themselves. Eg. "I want to make $250,000 a year," "I want Joe Rogan to invite me onto his podcast," "I want to have a $50 Million dollar exit when I sell my company," or "I want my book on the NY Times Best Sellers list."
All of these matter.
Since they're all important I want my formulation to include them all.
Here's a little formula that wraps them all together: I want to help ${people} ${achieve outcome} by ${what I do} so I can ${achieve outcome}.
Two real case studies
Some examples of people I've had the privilege of coming to know lately.
I want to help people who have suffered developmental trauma recover by researching the effects of psychedelics and group therapy so I can earn $xxx,xxx/year to support a beautiful life with my family, be invited to speak on the subject, and change the courses of lives thanks to the treatments that emerge from my research.
I want to help boys without strong father figures in their lives become initiated men by guiding them on their first extended backcountry trip and for this earn me $xxx,xxx/year.
A very fake case study
Joe wants to help local businesses reach their 5th year of profitability by being their accountant and earning $100,000/yr for it.
Now imagine Joe has his first kid and his family's financial needs shift. Now he wants to earn $150,000/yr.
That's easy. Take the outcome he wants for himself (income in this case) and swap in the new one.
Joe wants to help local businesses reach their 5th year of profitability by being their accountant and earning $100,000/yr $150,000/yr for it.
All four variables can be similarly changed.
After a decade of work Joe still feels enthusiastic about helping local businesses reach their 5th year of profitability but realizes he's tired of being in the numbers all day, his favorite part of his work has become taking client meetings and hearing about their business. He doesn't need to start from scratch, he can just update the verb he wants to do.
Joe wants to help new local businesses reach their 5th year of profitability by being their accountant business coach and earning $150,000/yr for it.
Or, Joe thought when starting off on this path that he’d love working for the demographic of "local businesses" but that ended up not mattering to him. This dissatisfaction put Joe on the hunt for a replacement, a more meaningful community he could help. Eventually he finds enthusiasm in the possibility of helping young adults in economically disadvantaged areas reach their 5th year of profitability.
Joe wants to help new local businesses young adults in economically disadvantaged communities start businesses and reach their 5th year of profitability by being their business coach earning $150,000/yr for it.
Me as a case study
The modularity of this framework pleases me because it means I can iterate into an answer which works out well because I do not have this figured out yet.
We met my fictional Joe already on the scent trail of what he wanted to do with his life. From there he tweaked and modified.
I, however, am starting at the beginning because I have not been on the scent trail of resonant, salient, and aligned work for at least five years now.
Here's what I currently have,
I want to help ${people} ${achieve outcome} by speaking about {???} so I can earn enough money to support my future family at a quality of life that pleases us and have people reach out to me expressing gratitude for how something in their life improved thanks to something I shared.
This is me at the beginning. The part that is in "research and development" right now is the verb I want to do. The verb I'm exploring pursuing is speaking as a profession.
Eventually, I will specify the people or population that I want to help and to what outcome but right now what I'm focused on exploring is this desire to speak.
From my background acting in theater I know I enjoy holding people's attention live in a shared space. From the teaching I've done I know I really enjoy helping people grasp concepts and offering perspectives that might lead to a light bulb turning on for them. And from conversations throughout my life I find delight in the challenge of communicating and satisfaction in offering new points of view that stand to change - hopefully for the best - another person's perspective.
Taking in all of these clues I suspect speaking is something that I could both enjoy and get reasonably effective at (and enjoy getting reasonably effective at). I am following my speaking curiosity by going to the National Speakers Association annual conference in Arizona in about 2 weeks to continue seeking clarity on these questions.
No one is more curious than I am, and I look forward to sharing, when I know more about what I'm up to in my life.
Warmly,
Brian
PS. I’m interested in connecting with people who speak professionally so I can hear about their journey to where they are now. If this describes you or someone you know I’d love an introduction!